I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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