I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
