just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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