Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
