Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
