This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
