I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
