I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
