I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
