Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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