We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
