Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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