So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
