I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
