So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize