I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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