Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
