Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
