I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
