You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
