shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
