pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
