He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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