On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
