After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
