is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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