Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
