You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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