whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
