I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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