Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
