dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
