trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
