Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
