you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
