Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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