She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
