he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
