There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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