Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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