ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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