My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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