so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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