I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
