How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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