I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
