Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
