Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
