I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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