I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Your dad touched me again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
