some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
