i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
