My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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