I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
