I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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