You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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