Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
