He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
