yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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