even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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