I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
